When Home Isn’t Safe Anymore

When home isn’t safe anymore

I find places where I can sit

and think

About when life used to be

Flowing

and free

Suddenly

I feel so trapped

And lost

At the same time

How can that be?

When home isn’t safe anymore

I try to find places

Where I can truly

Be free

Satisfying a need

I have been ignoring

For some time

I have been avoiding similar places

In case I see familiar faces

Perhaps so they can’t find out

That I have been lost

For some time

And how I have been longing to escape

Plotting

Silently

Bowing

And waiting my time.

Although I’m scared to stay any longer

Alongside my fears of people

Grow as I get older

I don’t know how much longer

I can last

Knowing I might have to be here

Too much longer

I had a friend once say

“You don’t see yourself.”

I asked her

“What do you mean?”

She replied -

“You get so lost, you forget you exist.”

Now and again I try to see myself in the mirror

And sometimes I am not here.

I try to find him -

Wherever he is.

Hoping he is looking for me too.

Maybe one day I’ll find him

Looking back at me

A reflection of my true self

One day.

Until then

I guess I will keep on searching

For a place to call home

And treading where those who fear to go

Not so lightly.